Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Inspired? Maybe.

As I sit on the couch next to Hannah watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I think how few days we have...just the two of us. When Daddy's at work, it's just "us girls". It won't be long before there will be three!
Micah asked me this morning if I was excited. Am I? I am excited about holding a newborn...my newborn. I'm excited about meeting her, seeing her, getting to know her...my daughter. I'm excited to watch the bond form between her and Hannah...the sisterly bond I've never experienced, but longed for. I am excited.
The daunting task of labor and delivery has me a little distraught. Going in the first time, you have no clue what you've gotten yourself into. With the second, and any subsequent pregnancies thereafter, you know.
I've been think a lot about the work. After all, it is work. After having contractions on and off for the last two weeks thanks to dehydration from the stomach flu, I feel as though I've been in early labor for days. That's the easy part. I got an epidural at four centimeters with Hannah, and even then, I'm not sure how much more I could have handled. The pain is pretty intense.
I'm worried about the epidural. With Hannah, the first one didn't work and I was left with contractions on just my right side. Then I had issues with my blood pressure skyrocketing to 178/120. That in itself makes you feel lousy.
And the pushing. I remember looking at Micah and begging him to count faster. It was so hard. But I made it through. I felt empowered after giving birth. Like I had accomplished something so great, and I had. I was ready to do it all again the day after she was born.
Yes, I had battle wounds to prove I had taken on the task. I was bruised, sore, hunched over when I walked, and emotionally unstable. But it was so very worth it. They say you forget the pain, and you do. But getting this close, I do remember. I'm ready. I'm empowered. I'm excited. I'm going to be myself this time, and let my body do what comes naturally without the fear of Micah thinking less of me. How silly anyway. After all, I'm delivery his baby, and I know he loves me...unconditionally. We've come a long way in the past 20 months. I'm ready. All systems go...as soon as little one decides it's time!

And on to lighter things...
Joann's is having a sale on minkie fabrics. And I want them. All of them. All of the colors. I almost gasped when I went to their website and saw the sale. It is just what I need to make baby girl's blanket. I know I'm supposed to be saving every dime for closing on the new house...but would a few yards of minkie fabric really be that harmful?!?! Oh, and maybe a nice pair of dressmaker's shears. :X
Still no word on a closing date for our house. Still praying it's the 16th...so I'm not in labor, or in the hospital, and so I can put up my Christmas tree and decorations. Oh please, let it be the 16th!

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